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Dog Moms Anonymous

July 10, 2008

[The Scene: a dimly lit basement of a church or civic building. Women enter furtively, usually wearing a hat or other disguising paraphernalia. A circle of chairs is set up in the middle of the room, under the sole light. Slowly the chairs begin to fill, although no one speaks to each other.  Finally, when all of the chairs are filled, a woman stands up.]

Group leader: “Welcome, ladies, to our weekly meeting of Dog Moms Anonymous.  I know that you all want to get down to business, so we’ll get started.  This week, we have a new member joining us. Mrs. X? Would you like to tell the group about yourself?”

[Mrs. X gets up, slowly and waits a moment before speaking.]

Mrs. X: “Hi. My name is Mrs. X and I have been a dog mom for almost two weeks now.”

Group: “Hello, Mrs. X.”

Mrs. X: “My husband and I adopted G, our Golden Retriever from a local rescue organization. He’s six and we were sold on his wonderful personality and gorgeous looks.  He hardly ever barks and he just loves attention.  He sits to be petted and doesn’t try to knock people down.  We are trying to teach him some leash manners because he does like to pull us toward a person so he can meet them.  He has a mild thunderstorm phobia, but as long as he can get under my desk, he’s ok.  We walk him twice a day and let him out in the backyard for play time two times a day.  We try to give him lots of love. 

“It all seemed as if it was going so well.  And then, today, he did something that I just cannot understand: he ate another dog’s poo.   It makes me nauseous just thinking about!  I did some research on the internet about why he could be doing this.  I don’t think it’s his food as we are feeding him what the rescue organization recommended (plus green beans).  He’s not left alone for long periods of time, he’s never crated and we do try to play with him so that he doesn’t get bored.  He is not hyperactive by any stretch of the imagination, so I think two walks a day is just fine. 

I just feel so inadequate as a dog mom!  You know the saying, there are no such things as bad dogs, just bad owners? What does this say about me that my dog eats poop?! Oh, I am so ashamed!”

[Mrs. X collapses in her seat, crying.  The other members try to comfort her.]

[Group leader stands up again.]

Group leader: “Mrs. X, I’m afraid what you have told us is sadly common.  And, we all know how disturbing and disgusting it can be.   I know you’ll be more vigilant when taking G on walks to make sure he doesn’t get to the poo or eat it.  And, you should clean up the backyard so he doesn’t develop a taste for his own.  Just remember this does not reflect on you as a dog mom, no matter how it might seem like that.  Am I right ladies?”

[Other ladies agree and Mrs. X begins to smile, tremulously.]

[Fade to black]

3 Comments leave one →
  1. JellyBelly permalink
    July 10, 2008 10:17 pm

    although i’m not a doggy mommy i definitely don’t think that you’ve done anything wrong.

    when my cat and i moved for teachers’ college she started doing a strange bum wiping on the carpet thing that she never, ever did before. i freaked out and took her to an emergency vet (which i couldn’t afford, but my dad was kind enough to pay for it since he loves my cat just as much as i do). she only did it for a little while and as soon as she got used to our new digs she stopped.

    pets do strange things when they adjust to their new surroundings. don’t worry, you’re doing just fine!

  2. July 11, 2008 6:36 am

    Riley likes poo. Her own really but what can you do? We do our best to clean up right away and she isn’t allowed out alone in the yard. We talked to the vet and the trainer and they both said it happens. If he starts on his own poo you can try feeding him some pineapple pieces. It supposedly makes their poo taste bad to them. I don’t know how it could ever taste good…

    Wow, I said poo a lot.

  3. July 11, 2008 7:24 am

    Woman, you are funny!!

    It’s repulsive, but common. And on that note, gag.

    They make stuff you can put in their food or water to prevent them from eating their own poo. It “makes it unappatizing.” Which makes me wonder, what makes it appetizing in the first place?!

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