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Left to My Own Devices

April 14, 2008

Sweetie’s job entails a certain amount of travel, although it’s been relatively quiet on that front for the past few months. Today, though, he left today for a three-day trip and once again, I am a travel widow. But, I’ll share a secret between you, me and the Internet: I like having the house to myself. I can clean and things don’t get moved around unless I move them. I can hog the sheets and there is peace in the house after 5pm, the time he would normally get home. I do miss him when he’s gone, but I also enjoy the solitude.

His leaving for a trip, however, reminded me of a funny story about one time when he came home from a 5-day trip (Monday through Friday). It was Friday night, in the winter, cold and he didn’t get home until about 7:30pm. He was super tired and literally dragging himself home.

“Why yes, Mr. Bean, you can have your way with me.”
At the precise moment he came home, I was watching a movie with one of my favorite actors, Sean Bean. Now, I am a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to the delectable Mr. Bean. In fact, I have told Sweetie on many occasions that if given the chance, I would gladly marry said Mr. Bean – despite the fact that he’s almost 50, already had three ex-wives and I’m married. Unfortunately, I was beaten to the altar earlier this year by a little hussy who is two years younger than I am. But, a girl can dream.

So, the movie really wasn’t that good – but I got it because it was one of the few in which he wasn’t cast as the total bad guy and it looked like innocent eye candy. Although, it was made back in the 90’s, during what I like to call his Emaciated Period. He has since filled out nicely. Anywho, he was playing a guy who taught photography to adults and (surprise, surprise) got into an adulterous affair with one of his students. He took her on a trip to Paris where they of course did what most people do on adulterous trips to Paris. And, concindentally, what Sweetie and I plan on doing on our non-adulterous trip to Paris.

But wouldn’t you know it, Sweetie walked through the door just as the delectable Mr. Bean’s very naked behind was on the screen. No, it was not during The Moment – our adulterer was sleeping on his stomach and she (the student) was taking pictures of him as he slept – but it was very obvious that it was a man’s behind and soon became clear which man. Without thinking (obviously), I paused the DVD so that I wouldn’t lose my place and wouldn’t you know, it paused right on the gorgeous behind of Mr. Bean. This is the image that greeted Sweetie as he walked through the door. What a wife I am.

Sweetie thought it was hysterical, no doubt in part because of the look of asbolute horror on my face that the one time I freezed the DVD, it would be on this particular image. He has since told this story to many of our friends, thus not only embarrasing me to high heaven but also revealing my inner most secret desire to see said behind in person.

Luckily this time, there are no Sean Bean movies in the house and he’ll get home around 5pm on Thursday when I’ll still be pecking away at the old laptop. Why give him any more ammunition to embarrass me in front of our friends?

I should also add that I have no serious intention of marrying Sean Bean. I hear that he’s got rather backwards ideas about women (and monogamy) and I love Sweetie much more than the chance of getting it on with a guy who did a relatively mediocre job as the gamekeeper in Lady Chatterly. But, we both get a kick out of discussing my infatuation, and he’s always up for watching the next Sean Bean biopic that happens to grace the screen.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. loribeth permalink
    April 14, 2008 6:37 pm

    LOL!!! & yum, yum!! He’s one of those actors who’s never quite top of mind, but whenenver I see him in anything, I’m like drool, drool. ; ) Are you willing to share?? ; )

  2. Emily permalink
    April 14, 2008 7:14 pm

    LOL! Hubby & I have that “Friends” list agreement. If we ever had the chance to get together with anyone on that list, we could never hold it against each other.

    Of course mine’s Johnny Depp. Fat chance that’ll ever happen to me.

  3. IBARMS permalink
    April 14, 2008 7:40 pm

    I’m laughing at your scenario.

  4. April 14, 2008 9:38 pm

    Okay, here is how clueless I am.
    Prior to reading your post, I had no idea who Sean Bean was, and when I started reading and saw the picture, I thought that was your Sweetie and wow, he is hot!!!

  5. Mrs.X permalink
    April 14, 2008 10:10 pm

    loribeth – I’m afraid we are the end of a very long line. He was voted Most Sexiest Man in the UK in 2004. That’s a lot of ladies ahead of us.

    emily – Johnny Depp is an excellent choice – but is it the 21 Jumpstreet Johnny Depp or the Chocolat Johnny Depp. My personal choice is Chocolat. Mmmm.

    jp – my Sweetie is totally hot, but he doesn’t look like Sean Bean. But, now you know of the hotness of Sean Bean!

  6. FarmWife permalink
    April 14, 2008 10:24 pm

    I’m all about the Chocolat Mr.Depp…of course the Sweeny Todd singing Mr.Depp is nice…and the gnarly Captain Jack Mr.Depp…and the Scottish Neverland Mr.Depp…Oh heck, I’d even take him Charlie & the Chocolate Factory weird. I have issues.

    But Mr.Bean is nice too. He plays an excelent bad guy…and he’s cute with a sword running around with Hobbits.

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