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The Audacity of Hope

March 21, 2008

When I started this blog, we were fully looking forward to fulfilling the experiment, that is taking a year off from everything having to do wtih getting and staying pregnant. Then, things took an interesting detour. The detour is now over, but it didn’t end before we started to have a glimmer of hope that this break wouldn’t be needed after all. We even talked about postponing our trip to Paris if things continued to progress. We decided to put off getting a pooch. I don’t think we can blame ourselves for having these thoughts – for two full weeks we had hope. The temptation to chastise oneself for such indulgences, however, is great.

But, now, we have to get used to the idea of taking a break all over again. I am so very tired of this undulating curve of shifting expectations and part of me is relieved that I get to get off the train. I had just gotten comfortable in my seat, though.

At the very least, I am pretty much guaranteed a train-ride free next several months. Of course, that’s what I thought last time. So, Paris is on, we will begin to look for a pooch and the year will start all over again. And we will try to remember that there is life outside this nasty thing called infertility and loss.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. shinejil permalink
    March 21, 2008 1:58 pm

    I think we are just wired to hope, especially when some wonderful possibility opens up before us where we thought the way was shut.

    I wish we weren’t here in the break room together, but have yourself a doughnut and a slug from this here red wine since you’re back. Maybe that will ease the transition.

  2. Emily permalink
    March 27, 2008 9:44 pm

    Popped over from your other blog and just read this post. Hope is such a tricky word in this IF world. Too much of it and the fall is bound to be long one down. Too little of it and you start to become waay too jaded. And I “hope” that you never arrive to that point.

    Can’t wait to read more on this blog. Can’t wait to hear about Paris!

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