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Now What?

August 1, 2008

Blogs, like people and certain bacteria, evolve over time.  One that is started for one purpose, shifts to another as times and circumstances change. 

I’ve been giving a lot of thought recently to the fate of this blog since its purpose has changed.  I started it to chronicle my break from infertility, but that break is now over.  And, let’s face it, my energy has focused away from my stated goals – the biggest one of which I fulfilled spectacularly – and back to getting knocked up. So, what to do with this here blog of mine? 

Seeing as how I did not manage to last a year – hell, I didn’t even last six months – before hopping back onto the A(ssisted) R(eproductive) T(echnology) Train, one could say that this experiment has failed and I should pack up my crayons and go home.  I did manage to fulfill some of my goals, chief among them adopting a pooch (who I hear softly snuffling in the kitchen at the moment), while others I didn’t actually do much to achieve (yoga? didn’t happen).  I feel like a bit of an imposter now posting here about my goals for stepping away from treatment since I am back in treatment. 

On the other hand, I have really enjoyed blogging about topics other than infertility.  When I started my infertility blog, it was to chronicle my infertility.  It seemed like cheating to add non-infertility stuff in there.  But, now I view it as blogging about the whole me – because I still do have a life outside of the big IF.  So, for now, I’m going to call a hiatus on this blog and will start integrating some of the stuff that I would have posted here into my other blog. 

Thanks for cheering me on during my quest!


Miss Post’s Doggie Finishing School

July 27, 2008

G is officially a student.  We have enrolled him – and ourselves – in basic obedience classes, which I prefer to call Doggie Finishing School.  Our first lesson was last Sunday and let me say that our Golden Retriever represented the breed.  If it had not been for the overachieving Labrador Retriever, G would have been the star pupil of the class.  Yes, I am that kind of mother.

We were somewhat concerned that he would get overwrought with meeting all of the other dogs, but he did very well.  He also made a new little friend – a Catahoula/Australian Shepherd mix puppy who just adored him.  Unfortunately, that puppy is going to puppy school next time, since Basic Obedience is for adult dogs.  There is also a German Shepherd who Mr. X has labeled “Cujo” since it does the whole scary-attack-dog bark very well.  G has no interest in her.

We’ve been working on this week’s homework – learning ‘down’ from a standing position (which he picked up on about the fourth try – my boy is so smart!), walking on lead – he does beautifully when there are no other people around, but typical Golden that he is he wants to get to the people and so we are learning to be patient and let the people come to us, and come.  G is so food oriented, though, that the minute he hears the cabinet open, he comes anyway for the treat, so I’ll have to get a little more sneaky on how I can get him to actually come to me on command rather than because he hears the treats.

There is no class this week, so we’ll have an extra week before we can go back and G can confirm all of the best Golden stereotypes (and I can be a showbiz mom).

I Have a Twisted Sense of Humor

July 23, 2008

I think I got it from my dad.  Anyway, it has produced these gems recently:

1) I’ve decided that the best way to deal with telemarketers is to make a recording of G when he’s panting and play it whenever they call rather than answer as myself.

2) I actually told G that he has a bush fetish.  I said this in the middle of our street after he investigated the umpteenth bush on someone’s front lawn. I didn’t realize the other meaning until two seconds later.  Luckily, no one was around. Which then reminded me of this: 

I first saw this as a campaign protest picture which I promptly sent to my lesbian friend who roared – and I mean ROARED – with laughter.

3) I nickname everyone who I don’t like.  Well, Dr. Uterus I like but he is one a few members in a select profession and could be easily identifiable (thereby helping to identify moi) so he doesn’t really count.  But, everyone else is fair game!  Our next door neighbors are Boris and Natasha because they are from Eatern Europe and we are convinced they are operating a secret Communist cell next door.  They recently got a puppy who I’ve named Sputnik.

4) One of my favorite nicknames I’ve ever come up with is for my podiatrist.  I have to see him again next week because I think I broke my toe last week – number three on the left foot.   His nickname: Dr. Dorquemada, a hybrid of Dork and Torquemada.  He’s a dork (a sweet one, but a dork nonetheless) and he puts me through exquisite torture.  And, I think he’s Catholic so that just adds to the whole Spanish Inquisition atmosphere of having your toes tortured in the name of podiatric health. 

5) I find this absolutely hysterical.

I’m sure there will be more. There’s always more.

The Post in Which I Brag

July 19, 2008

I know someone in real life who feels that blogs are essentially narcissistic enabling mechanisms.  He’s absolutely right.  I rarely talk about other people on my blog, the topic of course being moi, but I also feel as if I don’t exactly aggrandize myself either (feel free to disabuse me of this notion!).  Well, for one night, that will change.

I saw this on Lemondrops’s blog and I was intrigued, voracious reader that I am.  Apparently, the National Endowment for the Arts believes that the average American has read only 6 of the books on the list below.  Ouch.  But, it is a great opportunity for me to parade around my ability to read books (oh, and show how well-read and rounded I am. Yea.)

My total: 31. 

Better than six, but damn, who decided that Thomas Hardy and Jane Austen must take up seven spots between them? I think that most will agree that Thomas Hardy is the ultimate buzz kill, but I have to admit I am likely the only woman in the world who doesn’t like Jane Austen.  Charlotte Brontë summed up my feelings perfectly when she opined,

“What sees keenly, speaks aptly, moves flexibly, it suits her to study: but what throbs fast and full, though hidden, what the blood rushes through, what is the unseen seat of life and the sentient target of death–this Miss Austen ignores…”

Anywho, on with the rules:

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline (or mark in a different color) the books you LOVE – my favs are in red
4) Reprint this list in your blog so we can try and track down these people who’ve read 6 and force books upon them ;-)”

Read more…

He Poops, He Scores!

July 18, 2008

Sorry for the lack of G updates this week. It has been crazy busy and my blogging time has been limited due to Mr. X requisitioning my lap top.  But, it’s Friday and I will be damned if there isn’t a margarita, mojito or other ‘m’ alcoholic beverage in my immediate future. 

Anywho, I did want to post about G’s play date last Sunday.  When we first got G, we were very interested in getting him socialized with other dogs.  We didn’t think he had a lot of exposure to other dogs in his previous life and since we have no other dogs, we wanted him to have doggy friends.  Kind of like my parents did with me since I was an only child, except with other kids, not dogs.  Just wanted to make that clear.

So, my wonderful neighbor who also adopted her Golden from this rescue organization agreed to bring over her Golden for a play date with G.  We met outside in the front, with the dogs on leashes.  G went nuts at the sight of the other dog and was acting like a puppy!  He was so excited to see another Golden.  He’s also 70 lbs so when he gets excited it is like trying to control a freight train.  We walked down the street and back together so they could get to know one another and then headed to the backyard.

My boy definitely has some etiquette lessons in his near future. He started humping the other (boy) dog (and yes, he’s neutered).  It was so embarassing.  G was all about letting this dog know who was King of the Backyard! Eventually they settled down a little and we could take them off of their leashes.  Then the next contest started: the peeing and pooping contest.  First G peed, then the other dog peed where G peed, then G pooped and the other dog pooped where G pooped.  It was an orgy of marking.

They stayed about an hour and then it was time for the other dog to go home.  Apparently, my friend thinks that they managed to get along well enough that they can have another one.  I hope so, but G will mind his manners better next time!

Show and Tell: G’s Not-So-Secret Lay-air

July 12, 2008

G is averaging about one new behavior per day.  Today’s latest: he has found himself a secret fort in the backyard, which I refer to either as Fort G or G’s Secret Lay-air (said in my best Austin Powers impression).  It’s in the very back of the yard near the fence line in an area of bushes.  Unbeknownst to us (since we NEVER go back there) there is a break in the bushes that is the perfect size for a dog.  He shimmies in there, usually with his favorite toy, and then watches me try to lure him out.  I think he finds it very amusing. 

Here he is in his Not-So-Secret Lay-air:

Dog Moms Anonymous

July 10, 2008

[The Scene: a dimly lit basement of a church or civic building. Women enter furtively, usually wearing a hat or other disguising paraphernalia. A circle of chairs is set up in the middle of the room, under the sole light. Slowly the chairs begin to fill, although no one speaks to each other.  Finally, when all of the chairs are filled, a woman stands up.]

Group leader: “Welcome, ladies, to our weekly meeting of Dog Moms Anonymous.  I know that you all want to get down to business, so we’ll get started.  This week, we have a new member joining us. Mrs. X? Would you like to tell the group about yourself?”

[Mrs. X gets up, slowly and waits a moment before speaking.]

Mrs. X: “Hi. My name is Mrs. X and I have been a dog mom for almost two weeks now.”

Group: “Hello, Mrs. X.”

Mrs. X: “My husband and I adopted G, our Golden Retriever from a local rescue organization. He’s six and we were sold on his wonderful personality and gorgeous looks.  He hardly ever barks and he just loves attention.  He sits to be petted and doesn’t try to knock people down.  We are trying to teach him some leash manners because he does like to pull us toward a person so he can meet them.  He has a mild thunderstorm phobia, but as long as he can get under my desk, he’s ok.  We walk him twice a day and let him out in the backyard for play time two times a day.  We try to give him lots of love. 

“It all seemed as if it was going so well.  And then, today, he did something that I just cannot understand: he ate another dog’s poo.   It makes me nauseous just thinking about!  I did some research on the internet about why he could be doing this.  I don’t think it’s his food as we are feeding him what the rescue organization recommended (plus green beans).  He’s not left alone for long periods of time, he’s never crated and we do try to play with him so that he doesn’t get bored.  He is not hyperactive by any stretch of the imagination, so I think two walks a day is just fine. 

I just feel so inadequate as a dog mom!  You know the saying, there are no such things as bad dogs, just bad owners? What does this say about me that my dog eats poop?! Oh, I am so ashamed!”

[Mrs. X collapses in her seat, crying.  The other members try to comfort her.]

[Group leader stands up again.]

Group leader: “Mrs. X, I’m afraid what you have told us is sadly common.  And, we all know how disturbing and disgusting it can be.   I know you’ll be more vigilant when taking G on walks to make sure he doesn’t get to the poo or eat it.  And, you should clean up the backyard so he doesn’t develop a taste for his own.  Just remember this does not reflect on you as a dog mom, no matter how it might seem like that.  Am I right ladies?”

[Other ladies agree and Mrs. X begins to smile, tremulously.]

[Fade to black]